Beyond the act

It is advisable for parents to be intentional from beginning on how they want to raise their children and to do it consistently through their early years.

Hope Nwawolo, Ph.D

Every act that gets into the public domain attracts different reactions, particularly in this age of several social media handles. Such reactions can be sentimental or laden with criticisms.

The recent uproar on the video of a supposed 10 years old girl from Chrisland schools shook the public, erupting criticisms and diverse sentimental outbursts particularly from parents and adults. Most people blamed the parents of the girl for lack of training of their daughter while others blamed the school for abandoning their role of taking care of the students while on the trip.

From different perspectives, these knocks are rightly directed. Unfortunately, nothing was said about the boys that carried out the act with the girl and posted it on social media or their parents who may be doing all they can to ensure the names of their sons are not mentioned in public. How about the saying that goes ‘’ it takes two to tangle’’? It seems a curse to have a girl child in this part of the world because she and her family get the brunt from any immoral deed while the male and his family carry on with their lives as if nothing happened.

In all these, serious thought must be given to the psychological state of the girl. SHE NEEDS HELP AND FAST TOO. She may be judged to be sexually experienced from what was seen in the act and the several posts she put up on several social media before the act. However, one main question should stand out. Is the act at Dubai as well as the videos on the posts normal behaviour for the girl of that age? Ideally not! More questions; when and where did she get indoctrinated into such behaviour and by whom? So, instead of lambasting the girl and analysing the act and posts, effort should be geared towards exposing the origin of the behaviour and the person that initiated her. Or have we not heard of fathers and brothers introducing their daughters and sisters respectively, to the world of sex even before the age of five? Or uncles and neighbours by extension.

Sex is not only about penetration. Some little girls and even young boys are introduced through fiddling of sensitive body parts that make them begin to crave for such illicit touches from time to time. And like those on drugs, once sexual desire has been set on the mind, it takes another process of debriefing to release them from the urge.

While everyone is analysing the act, a good psychologist should also be called up to analyse the girl’s present state of mind to prevent news that will bring regrets or hurt the hearts further or in future…SUICIDE. On the other hand, seeing the boys are not mentioned while she is being dragged through the mud, the girl may become hardened and dare the consequences. At the same time, the boys are not also left out of the mental damage because of the public outburst. They must be suffering in silence and need help to prevent them from getting involved in such act in future, even if approached by randy small girls or adults. Their parents therefore, should not go to sleep in comfort.

As much as her parents were blamed for not training her well, parents should realise that some children live double lives in and outside home. Parents must be suspicious of certain acts by their children as well as spring surprise entries into their rooms even at night. Many of them get involved with midnight calls and chats while parents are sleeping, no thanks to network companies that offer free calls and data from midnight to morning. From time to time, parents should go through the wardrobes, drawers and boxes of their children without their knowledge. You may lay your hand on an item that will lead to discovery of an unwholesome act being carried out by a child.

Out of anxiety of following up a child who leaves home to school and other outings, there is the need to get phones for children despite their young age. However, getting an android phone for a child in primary or secondary school is courting danger. These children do not even have to request for money to get data since they are probably entitled to pocket money. They are also not in control of the absurd nude pictures and illicit acts that pop up occasionally from different sites on social media. To monitor the children of that age, get a simple call phone that does not give internet services for them. By this, you are also saving them from thieves who specialise in snatching phones.

Many parents miss the right time to instil right values in the children…before age five. Some only want to be friends with their children while giving up their right of authority. At the end, such parents are scared of their children as they get into adulthood. Children need the right direction and examples from parents to imbibe the right values. There is nothing out of place for a parent to be firm and principled with the children during their moulding years and at the same time express parental love and allow freedom of access at any time. Never wave a child off with the excuse of being busy or too tired when he or she wants to discuss ‘something’. There might not be another opportunity to hear that mind troubling issue from that child again.

It is advisable for parents to be intentional from beginning on how they want to raise their children and to do it consistently through their early years. Even if a child derails as he grows due to peer pressure, be rest assured it will be temporary because the parents had laid a foundation of good morals and values in him. With prayers and love, he will turn around, just like the prodigal son. Therefore, beyond the Dubai act, attempts should be made to safe the girl for her tomorrow.

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